Each house or building in the following six photos has at least one thing wrong with it — from the viewpoint of architectural or physical integrity, that is! Some are quite obvious while others are a bit more subtle; some will have multiple offenses while others may have only one. You will likely be able to come up with a few grievances which I’ve missed!
Following the photos is a list of the thirteen “issues” I have attributed to these structure… you can award yourself one point for each flaw identified, and that includes flaws which I’ve overlooked. These points do not convert to any type of cryptocurrency and are, in fact, utterly worthless.
So, let’s scroll down and start looking for flaws of architectural or physical integrity!
Please ignore the rear additions — we’ll just focus on the original, front, part of the house.
BONUS POINT:
Ok; have you tallied up your score? Scroll down to compare with the list I came up with…
Number One
- Sloppily enclosed side porch.
- The vinyl replacement window at left is more narrow than the original and required visually abrasive infill.
- “Colonial” six-panel door at odds with the Craftsman style.
Number Two
4. Craftsman style porch added to 1880’s vernacular house.
5. Repurposed (and shortened) round posts used instead of beefy square posts.
6. Square windows in front are 3-paned Craftsman style sashes – originals were likely 2- or 4-paned.
Number Three
7. A Craftsman bungalow from the 1910’s had been wrapped in a veneer of brick and stone in an effort to turn it into a 1950’s ranch house.
Number Four
8. Synthetic stucco — also known as Exterior Insulation and Finish Systems or EIFS — is delaminating from the soffits.
Number Five
9. Enclosed porch (badly enclosed).
10. Vinyl siding.
11. Fake shutters are too tall.
12. Pork chop soffits were added.
Number Six
13. The “masonry” porch piers of this newly constructed Neo-Craftsman office building are clearly fake — the corners are of wood!
Bonus Photo:
I took this photo at a Wal-Mart.
So, this concludes our pop quiz… how did you fare? Did you find any atrocities which I failed to mention? Please share them in a comment!
Number 3 got me. At first I thought it was the picture window, which I thought – well that seems pretty right for the 1950’s – then I thought it was the railing – definitely not 1950’s. I had to go back and look again. I missed the massing and the rafter tails that show the craftsman house lurking within.
The contemporary number 6 – that one got me too – but then I went back and looked and laughed out loud. Yes, masonry piers should not have wood corners!
Very fun!
How did I miss the bright, white, vinyl handrails on #3 ? (blushing profusely) I saw the masonry piers on Sunday and they are what inspired this post… glad you liked it!
The following was written as I went through the images. Our observations are fairly close, although mine are a bit more verbose.
House 1: Poorly enclosed porch, It looks like entrance was moved to the side of the house, Ill-fitting standardized big box replacement windows are a poor choice.
House 2: Hip roof on porch is weird, actually… the entire porch is weird. This looks to be a rather simple vernacular style home which means it would have likely had a small portico over the door, or maybe or a small porch.
House 3: Mismatched brick and perma-stone base are hideous, The infilled porch is strange, The giant picture window is wrong, the porch handrails looks like they are off the shelf of a big box store
House 4: OK, so it isn’t a house… The strange floaty roof above the odd box on the roof clearly has issues with surface adhesion, The dark tan box painted around the formerly tiny window is weird, actually, the tiny formerly windows are also strange. I could see some of these issues if this was an old building, but this looks to be less than 25 years old.
House 5: Poorly enclosed porch with awkward shutter like trim and the painter couldn’t be bothered to tape off the windows or clean up after using the sprayer. The front door is off-center leaving the right side of the steps lonely for attention. The giant vents in the gable were probably two windows originally.
House 6: Oy… The unfinished timbers are completely incongruous with the rest of the Hardie-Board siding (at the very least, they should be stained). The simulated stonework looks bazaar with the mismatched wonky corner bits. Back to the Hardie-board siding, they used the fake woodgrain texture which is cartoon-like. Unless you are building a rustic cabin in the woods with hand tools, or trying to go for an enchanted forrest look (is that the same thing?), clapboards should always be smooth finished. The fake mullions in the strangely proportioned arched window over the door are out of scale with the sidelights.
Bonus… I can only guess it is a Walmart welcome sign (by the blue and white colors) on the exit only door. I avoid Walmart like the plague (I’ve only been inside once), but I also have far more retail options than most of America).
You saw the white vinyl handrails on #3, also! Usually that stuff really creeps me out but somehow I didn’t see them. #4 is a hotel which was built a couple of years ago… all the windows and doors are painful to look at, but very characteristic of that type of construction. I laugh when I see these places falling apart already — when they are still essentially new! The emphasized wood grain on the siding of #6 really annoys me, too, as does the unfortunate entry door and sidelight combination… this kind of awkwardness is so commonplace now that people think its normal!
Initially I had listed the paint overspray on #5 as an itemized offense, but removed it from the list because I thought others would think I was too picky. I’m glad you share my distaste for such sloppy “workmanship”.
Congratulations upon your ability to avoid Wal-Mart! The beast has killed off so many small brick-and-mortar stores (especially in rural areas) that virtually everyone is forced to use Wal-Mart for at least some of their shopping.