Self-defeating Quoins

The insanity never ends…  these fake quoins go one step further than most in demonstrating their superficiality.  Originally a wood-frame house of conventional construction, this place was given a makeover in an effort to elevate its common origins, including a slathering of synthetic stucco (at least on the front portion).

These particular quoins were most likely applied to this structure in an effort to give it a look of solidity and stature.  However, carving away giant chunks of them to accomodate windows, etc., erodes the visual integrity of fake quoins and would erode the structural integrity of real ones (which these clearly are not).

So, these particular quoins are self-defeating: their appearance conveys the exact opposite of what they presumably were meant to convey!

 

Another example of pretense which is blatantly obvious.
Another example of pure pretense which is blatantly obvious.

 

Clearly the original function of quoined corners has been forgotten and the have become purely "decorative".
Clearly the original function of quoined corners has been forgotten and the have become purely “decorative”.  Notice how the fake quoins are only applied to the most visible corner of the side entry, and that the rear of the building is clad in siding.  Are you not impressed?

6 Responses to Self-defeating Quoins

  1. At least they got the Ionic columns right side up and facing outward…

    But notice how ghastly the windows are as well as the “quoins”. Both are oversized to the point of pure ridiculousness, no wonder they collide. And what’s that on the front of the building, on the frieze? Is it really a commercial sign? Is this now a commercial building? It must be! We’re standing in a parking lot. That means they most likely hired a “professional” to do this to their building!!!

    These quoins remind me of a civic building built about a century ago which had quoin-like square protrusions encasing the neoclassical columns. Pure ridiculousness! Speaking of which, here’s a company advertising quoins for mobile homes: http://www.house-martin.com/quoins.php

    Icing on the cake: the stucco is fake too, note the very visible vertical seam. Also note the optical illusion in the second picture where the right column under the little pediment appears to be sliding out from under the pediment. I’m pretty sure that happens because they have no entablature to speak of; the narrow part of the pediment has too little visual weight to hold the columns in the composition.

  2. I love that the stucco is usually applied to foam, and is about a micron thick. When I first saw how this stuff was applied, I was amazed and thought – who thinks this is a good idea?

    • Fortunately synthetic stucco products are falling out of favor. It’s already being removed in some areas and being replaced with actual masonry or more durable types of siding. While the stuff has provided some comedy over the years, the world will be a better place without it!

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